What Does This Mean… Massive Intracerebral Edema, Massive Intraventricular Hemorrhage?

(The above technical terminology means a spontaneous brain bleed)

Imagine meeting your husband’s neurosurgeon in the hospital’s waiting room, the morning after he was admitted for emergency brain surgery. Then, hearing the news that his prognosis is “not good”. “We were able to remove the hematoma when he was first admitted, but we weren’t able to stop the bleeding. He no longer has a gag reflex and the bleeding in his brain has continued since last night’s surgery. I’m sorry, but there isn’t anything more we can do for him… we’ve done all we can.

Shock, disbelief, denial, and grief is how I would describe the feelings that were racing through my mind and heart as he told me the news. With my oldest son at my side and my youngest son playing with matchbox cars on the floor, I had a sudden feeling of despair… what would life be like for my boys? A million questions flashed through my mind as I tried to digest what the neurosurgeon was telling me.

“My husband is a fighter… he’s going to beat this! I believe in miracles and the power of prayer,” I replied. In the next breath, the doctor asked me if I was willing to donate my husband’s organs. This was not exactly a question I was expecting to hear after learning about my husband's prognosis, just seconds before. “Donate his organs?” I asked in shock and disbelief. Once again, I replied, “My husband is a fighter… he’s going to beat this! I believe in miracles and the power of prayer. Isn’t this a bit premature?”

As I emphatically expressed this to the doctor, I heard my young son repeat what I said, almost, word for word. This utterance from my child’s lips broke my heart. It was to be the first of many heartbreaks I was about to experience.

Blessings Embraced:

• Accepting the truth

• Releasing control

Affirmation: I release control with grace.