“My Mom Did This to me”...

While working with elementary-aged, special needs students, many years ago, I met an outgoing and fun-loving young man by the name of Andrew. At the time, Andrew was enrolled in 5th grade and had a diagnosis of FAS~Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He had the FAS facial features associated with the syndrome, but his cognitive abilities were determined to be only slightly below average.

Andrew was one of the few students in my class who was able to comprehend most of the 5th grade curriculum. Occasionally, he needed support from a classroom Educational Assistant and came to me, daily, for small group instruction in mathematics and writing.

One day, while sitting at my teaching table correcting papers, Andrew came into the classroom with a sadness that seemed to consume him. He was usually someone who loved to make others laugh, had an eternal smile on his face, and a giggle that would make the sternest person smile.

That day, he was visibly upset. He appeared to be devastated. Of course, my concern for his emotional well-being was heightened, so I asked if there was anything I could do to help. Did he need to talk? Was there something he wanted to share with me? Did he need a hug?

After a few minutes of feeling his pain, he looked at me with sadness and despair in his eyes and said, “My mom did this to me.” Initially, I didn’t comprehend what he was trying to tell me. Knowing I would cause him more pain if I asked him what his mom had done to him, I searched my mind for understanding. Then it dawned on me.

Part of the 5th grade health curriculum included learning about the effects of drugs and alcohol on the body. Not just the person whose body was ingesting the substance, but the body of a developing fetus. Andrew had put two and two together and realized his mother’s drinking had caused his diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Suddenly, I was in a situation where I could feel the confusion, sadness, and heartbreak this child was experiencing, and I was at a loss for words. As a new teacher with no background in counseling, all I could do was sit with him in silence and comfort him. My desire to hold this child and cry along with him was unbearable. I wanted so desperately to take the pain away and make everything okay for this beautiful young soul.

With a long and gentle, heartfelt hug, I told him I would help him understand this situation... I’d be there for him whenever he needed to talk, and I’d contact the guidance counselor, so he could get his questions and concerns addressed.

After meeting with our school guidance counselor, a plan was put in place for a discussion between his mother, the guidance counselor, and himself. It was my understanding that the meeting had been quite healing for both Andrew and his mother. Andrew's concerns were discussed, his diagnosis explained, and his future educational goals were implemented.

The topic of FAS was never brought up again, and Andrew returned to the happy, always smiling young man I’d known before this realization took place.

Blessings Embraced:

• Professional support when needed provides understanding and healing

• Honesty is the best policy

Affirmation: I lovingly support the people who need my help